I'm Only Here for the Beard

By: Lani Lynn Vale

God, that hurt.

“Fine,” I choked out. “What’s up?”

Why are you here? Don’t you have a wife to be at home with?

“I wanted to drop by and make sure you were okay…and also pick up the spare key to the quint.”

I winced.

“In my purse over there,” I pointed out, indicating the chair that was in the corner of the room.

My mother had dropped all of my things off on her way to work a half an hour ago. She stayed long enough to order the doctor to keep me well medicated.

That was my mother, though, helpful and shit.

Not that she really cared if I was well medicated. More like she wanted me to be well medicated and in a good mood in the hopes that I might allow her to borrow my car while I was in the hospital this week since I couldn’t use it.

And that was going to happen over my dead body.

PD turned and walked over to my purse. He picked it up and started to move toward me, but I waved him off. “It’s in the pocket on the inside.”

Then I closed my eyes.

“You’re moving?”

I cracked open one eyelid and stared at the big man across the room.

“Yep,” I confirmed.

“When?” he asked.

I let my eye fall closed. “As soon as fucking possible. Somewhere where I can freakin’ breathe.”

Then I passed out, missing the hurt that crossed over both PD’s and my best friend’s faces.

Prologue II

Women are basically natural disasters with tits.

-Sean’s secret thoughts


“This isn’t about you, it’s about me.”

Wasn’t that the quintessential line that every person used just before they broke up with their significant other?

Was I damaged? Was I that man who was destined to never have a woman who stayed with him?

I was a man who drank too much, laughed too loud and loved hard. That was why when I found a woman that I wanted to hang my hat up with, I put my all into it.

And always failed.

It didn’t matter if it was good and we hadn’t had a single hiccup. If there was a way to ruin the relationship before it even really came to fruition, I could do it. I have never, not once, been able to have a healthy relationship.

I thought I had that with Ellen, but here she was, proving me wrong.

Not even five seconds ago she’d told me that she couldn’t do this anymore. That I was a good guy and that I deserved someone who could love me for me.

At least she didn’t know that this was my fourth such breakup, or she would’ve felt even worse.

And I could tell she felt bad about it.

“Is there someone else?” I found myself asking.

I shouldn’t have asked that. But there was always someone else.

Someone was always better than me, and to be honest, I was fucking tired of being second best.

Just fucking once I wished I could find a woman who wanted me for me.

I held up my hand. “Don’t answer that.”

I knew there was. I didn’t miss the covert glances that she and Jessie James, the newest member of The Dixie Wardens MC Alabama Chapter, tossed each other.

I didn’t miss the way Ellen always asked about him, or he about her.

Fuck me, but I was so fucking over it.

It was good that she’d called it off. I wouldn’t have done it. I would’ve just stayed in a miserable relationship for eternity if it meant having someone there who cared about me.

But caring about someone and being in love were two different things, and I needed to realize that or I’d lose myself.

Ellen snapped her mouth shut and nodded once.

And without another word, I walked out and didn’t look back.

Chapter 1

Women do not want to hear an apology while your penis is still inside their sister. Take it out first.

-Pro Tip


I rode my bike up to the spot where I usually parked and cursed when I went to turn in because a car was parked there.

“What the fuck?” I grunted behind my helmet. “That’s my spot.”

Okay, it wasn’t actually my spot, but I’d been parking there for the last four years, each and every time I came to work.

Placing both feet onto the ground, I walked the bike backward and put it into the spot across from my usual and shut it off.

My helmet was the next thing to go, and I sighed when the open wind hit my overheated face.

Top Books