Just a Bit Confusing

By: Alessandra Hazard

“Okay,” Jamie said, sounding surprised and breathless, burying his fingers in Ryan’s hair.

“Okay. Whatever you want.”

The words jolted through him.

He could barely remember prepping Jamie and putting on a condom.

When he at last—at last—pushed in, Ryan growled, shuddering. Fuck. There was something about being inside Jamie that was satisfying beyond having his cock in a tight hole. Closing his eyes, Ryan reveled at the feeling for a moment, but he wanted to move. He needed to.

Kissing, they moved together, trying to set a slow, steady rhythm, but his body demanded more.

The pleasure built rapidly as the rhythm became fast and hard, the loud sound of their skin slapping together adding to their moans and the squeaking of the bed. It was fast and filthy, Ryan’s body hungry for it as it had never been for anything or anyone, as if it wanted to merge them together. He wanted to.

Soon, Jamie’s moans grew in volume, becoming whimpers of need, wanton and arousing as hell.

Propping himself up on his elbows, Ryan stared at Jamie, watching him come undone—his pale cheeks flushed, his lovely eyes unfocused, his pink lips parted as Jamie panted raggedly—and Ryan wanted to  swallow him whole.

Growling, he slammed their mouths together, kissing Jamie messily as he fucked him hard. I love you, I love you, I love you pumped in his blood as he thrust and thrust, wanting to drive himself deeper and deeper. Jamie’s moans took on a pained quality, his arms pulling him tighter as they moved together, losing the rhythm completely.

“Ryan—” Jamie croaked out against his mouth, arching and shaking.

“Come on, Jamie.” Ryan slammed hard into him. “Come on, love—”

Jamie cried out and came, his walls clenching around Ryan’s cock in the sweetest way.

Groaning, Ryan let go and came, too, panting into Jamie’s shoulder as his arms gave out, waves after waves of pleasure rolling through him.

Holy shit.

Christ. Would it always be that intense with Jamie?

The thought made him go very still.


“Ryan?” Jamie said. “Something wrong?”

Ryan didn’t answer, trying to make sense of his chaotic thoughts and emotions.

“Ryan?” Jamie said uncertainly, a note of fear creeping into his voice. Ryan wanted to wrap him in his arms  and kiss his fears away.



He lifted his head and looked down at Jamie.

Jamie was frowning, his blue-green eyes still soft with the afterglow but a little wary. The swollen redness of Jamie’s lips drew his gaze.


Bloody hell.

He laughed, as the waves of relief and elation coursed through him. “Finally.”

“What?” Jamie’s apprehension seemed to grow. “I don’t understand.”

Ryan hesitated, unsure how to explain something that barely made sense even to him. He rolled off Jamie and pulled the condom off. After throwing it into the trash, he stretched out next to Jamie and looked at him. “The past few months have been confusing as hell for me,” he murmured, laying a hand on Jamie’s belly. He couldn’t stop touching him. “I couldn’t stop thinking of you as someone to protect, my pseudo little brother I’ve loved almost my entire life. At the same time, I got off on fucking your mouth, even though I thought it was wrong to want you that way. It freaked me out. I couldn’t make sense of it. It messed with my head, and I ended up messing with your head, too.”

“And now?”

“Now I look at you and I don’t see a brother.” Ryan met his eyes. “I don’t feel like a pervert. It was all in my head. I guess it’s true what they say: that you can get used to anything if given enough time.” A smile tugged at Ryan’s lips. “I guess I got used to it a little too much. Even calling you mate feels strange now.”

“You mean…” An unmistakable spark of hope lit in Jamie’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Ryan said, brushing his thumb over Jamie’s belly button. “Wanting you doesn’t feel wrong and weird anymore. Don’t get me wrong: you’ll always be my best friend, but you’re not just that. It’s not enough for me. I want more.” He smiled crookedly. “Now I feel like banging you like a screen door in a hurricane and then carrying you over the threshold. They aren’t separate things anymore. They don’t contradict each other. I want  and I want to take care of you.”

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