Just a Bit Confusing

By: Alessandra Hazard


Jamie didn’t smile back. He looked confused, frowning. “But…but what about Hannah? I thought you wanted to get back together with her. I told you to go back to her.”

Sighing, Ryan circled his thumb around Jamie’s belly button. “We tried, but we didn’t fit anymore.” He hesitated before admitting, “I was a mess without you.”

“Yeah?” Jamie sounded very pleased, the prick.

“Yeah,” Ryan said with a rueful smile. “I might have been a dick to everyone. Hannah wasn’t impressed. In the end we agreed we’d be better off as friends.”

Jamie studied him. “Any regrets?”

Ryan didn’t hurry with his answer. He knew this was important to Jamie after he’d been on the receiving end of his anger and bitterness over his failed relationship with Hannah. Jamie deserved an honest, thought-out answer.

“I was in love with her,” he said at last. “I thought she could be it for me.” Jamie’s gaze dropped.

Ryan tapped him on the belly and Jamie looked up again. “But I was wrong. Now I know it. When I lost you, she couldn’t make me happy. Nothing could.” His lips twisted. “I don’t like the person I become without you. I’m not sure I even know that person.” Feeling naked in a way that had nothing to do with exposed skin, Ryan cleared his throat. “I didn’t realize how much I needed you, how bad it would be. Didn’t realize how bad I was at functioning without you until—until you broke up with me over the fucking phone.” He glowered, still not quite over it.

A puzzled expression appeared on Jamie’s face. “I didn’t break up with you. We were never together.”

“No, we weren’t,” Ryan said with a laugh. “But it sure felt like a breakup. A much more painful one than my breakup with Hannah.”

Jamie’s face was blank. “It’s not the same, though.”

“No, it isn’t. I didn’t love her my entire life.”

Jamie’s throat worked. “Don’t, Ryan,” he said, averting his eyes. “You don’t have to. It’s enough for me that you genuinely want to be more than friends.”

Ryan stared at him. Then he rolled over, pinning Jamie under him. “Is that what you think it is?”

he said, boring his eyes into Jamie’s. “That I want to be…friends with benefits?”

Jamie shrugged. “Don’t you?”

Ryan almost laughed. “It’d never be enough for me. Not with you.” He eyed Jamie’s lovely face, his features dear and familiar in ways that made his throat close up. “I love you, silly. That’s never been a question for me. You’re my everything. I want everything from you. I want to give you everything; I always have. I just couldn’t before.” Ryan frowned and corrected himself. “I thought I couldn’t.” He leaned down and kissed the corner of Jamie’s mouth, breathing him in. “I was wrong. It just took me a while to stop feeling it was sick to want you that way, too.” He brushed their lips together. “I want you.” He bit Jamie’s swollen bottom lip. “I want you so much. God, I would keep my dick in you all the time if I could.”

Jamie laughed against his lips. “That’s a bit of an overkill.” He grinned cheekily. “What if I want to put my dick in you?”

Chuckling, Ryan pulled back a little to look down at him. “Don’t push your luck, Grayson.”

Jamie’s grin widened. “Hmm, I prefer bottoming anyway, but we shall see. I know how bad you are at saying no to me.”

Ryan snorted. “Yeah, apparently even your father knows it. Speaking of Arthur, he told me to tell you to stop being such a drama queen and come home.”

Jamie’s grin faded. He made a face. “He’ll just nag me about doing my duty to the family and marrying Megan.”

“I don’t think so,” Ryan said. “I think I’m not the only one who realized something while you were gone.”

Jamie’s eyes widened. He started smiling before frowning suddenly. “I can’t go home. You said Luke has been missing for ten days.” He swept his eyes around the room, guilt flickering in his eyes.

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