I Told You, You're Mine
By: Heather C. AdamsGood God, what is wrong with me. I feel so mad!
Bonnie grabs the phone out of my hand as Adam holds me to the side pulling his own phone out, “I’ll get an Uber,” he nods telling Bonnie who was now speaking into my phone.
“Uh, huh. Yeah, we’ve got her. We’ll get her home. I’ll text you from her phone when we get her there.”
“Oh, what?” Bonnie giggles a little.
What is he saying to her? He better not tell her anything about us!
“Well, that’s nice of you Blade. Okay, we’re at Harry’s Asian Bistro & Karaoke on the corner of 4th and main” she instructs and then hangs up walking towards me.
My feet fumble a little, still holding on tight to Adam, “what did he say?”
“He’s sending a car to take us all home.”
“Well isn’t he nice?” I curl my lips mocking his gesture.
“I’ve got you, Avery.” Adam’s grip on my waist tightens as he guides me inside, “she never did eat dinner” I hear him tell Bonnie.
“Let’s get her some water and bread while we wait,” Bonnie meets us inside. “I swear, you white girls can’t handle your vodka. Mm, mm, mm.” She shakes her head making me giggle a little.
***
My eyes creep open, looking around, trying to assess where I am at. I don’t remember getting home. My head moves around spotting everything in the little room that the small rays of sunshine touch.
I clench my eyes remembering the dream I had last night. Blade and I were rolling in the bed after making love all night and celebrating the fact that we told everyone we were together and it didn’t affect the business at all. Tingles run through me feeling the warmth that thought brings, and then I quickly realize it’s not real. My stomach knots as I feel myself in my own bed, in my tiny apartment, alone.
Adam?
Oh God, my stomach bottoms out and my hand reaches frantically to the space next to me in bed. It’s empty and I blow out a hefty sigh.
“Oh, thank God!” I mumble.
My hands travel my body feeling clothes on and I am able to piece together enough memories to realize I didn’t do anything with him last night.
Pieces of my conversation with him at the table pop in my head and I moan. I remember telling him no. My stomach starts to unwind with relief but, damn, I hope I didn’t hurt him too badly. I probably could have handled that conversation with a little more care, but the vodka didn’t give that a chance. I just don’t feel for him that way. I never have. There has only ever been one man, albeit untouchable, that wrapped around my heart and never let go.
A car…
A big black car picked us up. No…a limo.
How did he just come up with a driver and a car that fast?
I open my eyes remembering last night. My conversation with Blade last night was…so…volatile. Jesus, I was so mad. What the hell was wrong with me?
Wait I actually am upset though. I’m upset that I let my guard down and took irrational leaps. I can’t believe I let myself let go like that and believe Blade…like this could be easy.
That’s just foolish.
I’m mad that I want that man so bad but I feel like I can’t have him unless I live a lie. I don’t want to break everything off with Blade, but I just can’t wrap my mind around how to make this work. Liza’s reaction was exactly what I was afraid of.
Sister Fucker.
Remembering the label sends shivers down my spine and my eyes clench again. Maybe I went about this all wrong. Blade offered to take us anywhere and start over, but I’m not sure I want to live like that. I don’t want to live a lie hiding and running from my past anymore. The whole point of me turning around and being with him the last two weeks was to face it.
I guess I answered myself.
That’s it. That’s what’s bothering me so much. As much as I want and love Blade, I don’t want to have to live a lie to be with him. That’s why I stayed away for the last four years. I never wanted to live like that. I don’t want to hide. I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to run. I don’t want to compromise my degree, my path.
It’s not his fault. He’s just trying to offer anything to make this work but if that’s our only option…I’m not sure I can sign up for that.
